you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
a search helicopter?!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
