Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
