Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
