The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
