i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
