I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Vodka?
Forever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
