he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
