it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
NoShamevember. You game?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
