u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
