Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need mimosas to revive my soul
im on a boat
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