So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
