so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
