Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
