Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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