Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
