I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
