do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
