Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
