I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
