Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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