you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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