Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
honey bunches of taint.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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