woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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