I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
