Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
