quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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