Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
