Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
