I seem to have left my pride at pride
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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