..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
did i just pee glitter
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
