Just fell off a train. Bad.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
