I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
