EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I need to stop coming to work sober
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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