SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i think i just lost a toe
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
