Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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