I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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