Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
