I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
