Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
