do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
