I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
