I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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