He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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