She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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