She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
