you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
