We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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