so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
