Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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