so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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