There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
